Let Go and Let Him

  Since sharing our latest news we've had a lot of people say so many encouraging things to us.  Every single word of encouragement is appreciated yet to be honest some of the things said have felt a little "uncomfortable" to take in on my part.  So many, "wow that is so great an awesome what your about to do" and  "Not many people would be willing to do that."   Just want to clarify one thing.  The Lord calls us ALL to bloom where we are planted.  All of us.  We are ALL missionaries to where we are planted.

    Yes, we've known for a little while that God has been calling us to serve abroad.  A calling though isn't so much about where you go... it's about who you are.  I've known for a while that the Lord personally has called me to minister to children. When I was younger I volunteered in Children's Church, was babysitting almost always, and volunteered to help with Kids Crusade (VBS)and pretty much any other place that children where at.   Being around children and loving on them is just part of who I am.  If you knew me at all growing up you will know that I LOVE children.  Now working with youth that is a completely different story.  A big shocker I am sure to even hear that from me. Considering we were Youth Pastors for how many years?  Did I work along side Brandon and learn to love youth,  yes.  Did I coordinate events and have teens hanging out at our home a lot, sure.  I knew that this was part of Brandon's gift and part of who He is.  He loves mentoring.  He loves teaching teens and he is great with them.  For me, honestly one of my biggest fears was Lord are you calling us in another direction to work with youth, again?  (Yes, yes He is.)  Though I love them I don't feel like working with them has always been a passion.  Give me a bunch of little ones and that's exactly where my passion is.  Though recently I have surrendered all of my passions to Him.  After all this is not about me. Sometimes He calls us to do the exact thing we feel most unqualified to.  He wants the Glory all for himself.  He often works in and through us when we are at our weakest.  Since I have done that it's really quite amazing the Lord has been putting a desire in my heart to work with youth again.  I am willing to be used however He see's fit.  After all He does write the very best stories.  Who am I to tell him. 

      Just because this is the direction the Lord is telling us to go (Zambia) does not mean that we are any less "normal" in our feelings and emotions.  I don't ever want to portray a picture that just isn't real.  It is a constant battle to deny our self to follow Him.  It is very un natural to want to leave your whole family to go and follow what the Lord tells you to do (no matter where that is).  We are constantly reminded to plan for the future.  Everything is about saving up for your children's college funds.  Paying off your home so you can enjoy retirement.  Having a 401k to help cover retirement.  Being financially secure and having a plan for the future.  I am by no means saying that these things are bad.  Not at all.  Selling our home and selling everything we have and not knowing what's next.  Well knowing what's next but not knowing what will happen after that.  Knowing we are going for a two year term initially, but then not knowing for sure exactly what will happen after those two years.  We may have the opportunity to change our status from short-term to long-term missionaries after those two years.  We are just not sure at this point what exactly the Lord will ask of us.  We may not know right now.  We just have to keep taking each step and trusting that He is going to direct the next step after this one.  For us we feel like he's asking us to trust Him with those steps.  To follow Him to Zambia for us personally means selling our home,  letting go of earthly possessions and letting Him lead us.  This may look "radical" but when He died on the cross for us that was pretty radical.  He gave His life for us and we are called to do the same for others. There are so many "ways" to live radically.  You don't have to cross the ocean to do that.  This whole process is forcing me
to trust him in a completely different way than we have ever done before. 

     Another thing I have been struggling with is fear of it not happening.  For whatever reason my biggest struggle is trusting that He will provide.  I know when He calls that He provides.  He has always been faithful in the past, always.  It is really uncomfortable for me to ask for help.  Really hard for me to reach out and ask people to come along side us and support what the Lord is doing.  It's really not about us.. it's about Him though.  We've always been able to depend on Brandon's job and have even when he wasn't making a substantial income we've been able to be "thrifty" and make it work. The whole point is that even though Brandon's job looks like it is provision... really God alone is our provider.  Right now He is using this job to provide.  In the future He will be our provision.  Using the body of Christ to provide.  It's a whole new concept to us.  A whole other level of trusting.  We may not be able to do this.  He is more than able to though.  As I've been continuing to seek Him I feel a peace and He keeps whispering, "let go and let me."  He's got this.  We don't have to be enough.  He is enough. 

    So though our life maybe doesn't look typical right now.  Who really has a "typical" life anyways? God has a plan for every one of us.  He has a beautiful story He is writing.  We are all part of that beautiful picture He is painting.  No story is greater than the other or is more special.  He is using each person to fulfill the purposes He has.   Praying that as we share this small struggle that I really hate to classify as even that,   in some way it will lead you to Jesus.  So today no matter what your facing, no matter the challenges you see ahead, remember He is your provider.  Not your job, not your bank account, not your boss... though He may use those things.. it is He alone that sustains you.  "Let go and let Him."   After all He is the Great I am. What is too hard for Him?

Isaiah 46:4 -
I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Spirit Lead Me

With grateful hearts we share that we have been offered an initial two year term to serve with Kids Alive in Zambia, Africa.  We are so excited about this new adventure that the Lord is taking us on.

We are overwhelmed with joy and so expectant to see how God can and will use us in this beautiful picture he is painting.   We feel humbled knowing that He is writing our story and working with this ministry in Zambia is part of it.

He has been preparing us for such a time as this.  We still have a long road ahead as we prepare both spiritually and financially for this journey.   We know that He is faithful.  We do have to raise funds as full time missionaries. We are working right now along side the staff to figure out the exact budget and expenses it will cost to get there and get set up with housing as well as to sustain our family monthly.  These costs will not just cover our living expenses but will also help to contribute to the ministry we will be doing there. To do this we need people willing to lock arms with ours while serving. 

In Zambia we will be filling many roles and will be working along with national staff to fill areas of need.  Some of the areas we will be ministering is; mentoring and working with the youth, construction as well as maintenance, and assisting in the office there.  Brandon will be taking on a full-time role/position.   I will be homeschooling and helping to acclimate our children  to a new culture as well as volunteering.  We look forward more than anything to being hands on and our children loving on people right along side us.  If you would like to know other ways in which our family will be involved you can check out the Kids Alive website.  There are many different programs they have in Zambia in which we will could be involved in.  Within the next week I will post a link where you can directly go to support financially if you feel led.
 (http://www.kidsalive.org/around-the-world/africa/zambia/)

We are in the process of putting together our first newsletter so you will be updated as we are preparing for departure and also when we step foot on Zambian soil.  Would you please email (or message through fb) with your  home address as well as email so we can add you to our mailing list. 

Soon we will be starting a few fundraisers to raise funds to help us get there.  We have also been simplifying for months trying to prepare for a sale to start selling items in our home.

We do plan on continuing to foster while we are on US soil.  We want to be available for God to use to minister to whatever children he sends us while we are here. 

We have also have been given favor with our (Brandon's) current job that they will allow him to work right up until we leave.

As far as a time line.  We are really not sure what to expect as far as just how long it may take to be fully funded in order to be able to leave.  Once we are 90% funded we can set our date for departure.  We will then go 3-4 week to a cross-cultural training and once 100% funded we will be on our way to Zambia.  We will be updating and keeping everyone in the loop as far as how things will go. One thing that we are sure of is that the Lord knows exactly when and in what season we are supposed to be there.  So we are trusting Him with that (whether we will be moving in a year or longer).

Thank you so much already for those who have been praying and also for continued prayers as we walk by faith into what we know the Lord has been calling us to.  Thank you also for praying and asking the Lord what part He would like you to play to help us get to Zambia.  Your prayers above all are so appreciated. 

                                                                                         
                                                                                           In His Service
                                                                                           Love,
                                                                                           
                                                                                           The Fullers

Prayer Requests:

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

• God would give us wisdom in the decisions we have to make up until departure.
• God would provide people to partner with us to a through prayer and/or financial support.
• That he would prepare the hearts of the kids we will be working with.
• That the Lord would prepare our hearts to minister to whoever we cross paths with.
• That he would prepare our children to minister and this would be an easy transition for them.

Kids Alive International

Our Vision
Kids Alive International envisions a world where every child grows up in a loving family, reaches their full potential, and has the eternal hope that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Our Mission
Kids Alive International reflects the love of Christ by rescuing orphans and vulnerable children, nurturing them with quality holistic care, and sharing with them the transforming power of Jesus Christ so they are enabled to instill hope in others.
Our History
Kids Alive International began in 1916 in Shantung Province, China, when missionaries Leslie and Ava Anglin began taking in homeless Chinese children.
From those humble beginnings, Kids Alive today has expanded worldwide, helping care for thousands of children through residential homes, care centers and schools.

A Mother to Another Mother's Child

 　

Even as a young child, I dreamed of being a mother. You know, the kind of mother that is "perfect." That has an endless reserve of patience. Whose children always listen. Who never tell her, "no."   For some, the aspiration of having children fades with time or experience. However, after years of caring for other peoples children, this desire was only reaffirmed and I knew that children were an integral part of my ‘calling’ and purpose in life.

I became a bride at 18 and after only nine months of marriage my husband and I decided it was time to start a family. At the age of 19 I became a mother.

Our first child was an adorable little boy who graciously introduced me to joy that is motherhood: the crazy days, the sleepless nights and the almost mechanical routine of changing diapers. We added two little girls shortly thereafter and they multiplied the joy in my life and the love in my heart; and the diapers I had the joy of changing. Over the course of that time, my husband and I had been praying and felt called to bring another child into our home though this time through a different avenue. A child who needed love, a sense of security and stability.

Shortly after completing required coursework and becoming licensed to foster to adopt, we found out that we were expecting our fourth child. Nine months later she was born and over the course of the next year we enjoyed her so much. But were we still willing: Yes. Were we still called: Yes. We were supposed to adopt. I could do that. But to love and let go? I wasn't so sure I was capable of opening my heart knowing it could be broken so easily. How do you prepare to say hello knowing that inevitably there could be a goodbye? I wasn't sure how anyone could prepare for that.

Was I crazy to feel this calling to bring another child into our home? A child with a broken past and a hurting heart. Who may have: emotional scars, come from a place of being severely abused or neglected, be withdrawing from drugs, have trust issues, attachment disorders, and wounds so deep. Was I prepared? Even after hours of training and reading. Yet, inside knowing that living the hands on is so much different. Living the day in and day out the joys and the really hard parts. Though the peace I had was overwhelming. I knew that His grace was really enough.

The time had finally arrived and we welcomed our very first placement. Little fingers. Little toes. Yes, he captured my heart. I never knew I could love so deeply a little one who didn't grow under my heart but in it. The first glance. The first feeding. The first song that I sang. Yes, a joy and a love so deep as I did my own. It broke my heart watching his little body go through things a little body should never have to go through. The time came to let go; my heart broke. Could I open my heart again?

Not long after we welcomed two little ones into our home. Broken pasts. Hurting hearts that only God could heal. Days full and long nights: advocating, being their voice, building trust and loving them so deeply. I taught them how to pray. I taught them about the one Who promises to never leave or forsake them and will never fail them even when people do. They taught me what the true depth of His love for us is like; complete, unconditional, unfailing, and persistant, love. Things I thought I completely understood but really found I never did grasp completely. They taught me about living in the here and now. That tomorrow may come but living for today is what matters. They taught me so much. They came and they left. Lord, I don't understand your plan? Could I ever open my heart again?

The answer is yes, as much as it hurts and as much as I cry. He is my comfort. He is my strong tower. He is my strength when I feel I can't possibly do it again. My heart breaks. He heals my heart. He gave it all for me, And I willingly lay down my heart, my desires, and my heartbreak to be used to fulfill His plan. Yes. I will continue to do it again and again and again.

The stages of grief are hard. It hurts. I felt like I’ve lost some of my children and in reality, I have. My family has grieved as well; little ones they have loved. I feel honored to have a family that loves these little ones as if they were our own. Who welcomes them with open arms. I am also so proud of my children as they grow. Yes they have experienced love and loss but more than anything they have learned Christ's love. That not every child is treated and cherished the way they should be. Incredibly, they've learned what being Jesus' hands and feet looks like in a very tangible way.

I have now come to the realization that being a mother was never really about being perfect or never making mistakes or raising children to be perfect. It's about showing them His Grace and how to love others and be compassionate people who want to be the change they want to see in the world as Gandhi put it .

God has a plan it isn't always what we want or what we think we want. It's really not about us to begin with. It's about Him and His children; the ones that He entrusts to us to love. It's about a child who in their little life has not known just how much they are treasured. It's about showing them it is possible to trust again. It's about showing them His love. Showing them just how worthy they are of that love and being vehicles for the demonstration of that love.

For any of our children they are only given to us on loan; they are really His.

For these children we may only hold them for a little while in our arms but will hold them forever in our hearts. I will forever be their praying mama.

People say often, " I could never do this, my heart would just break." So I say this from all of my beloved friends that are Mothers to Another Mothers Child, " Our hearts break too. We just know the one who can heal hearts." He is the one who restores and redeems lives. He laid His life down for us and we are called to do the same for others.

So most of all as we celebrate this Mother’s Day I want to encourage you. If you feel your heart being tugged to be a Mother to Another Mother’s Child. Take the first step. Do something. I promise you the little or big ones who are sent to you will impact your life more than you can ever hope to impact theirs.

　

　

Happiness

 To live life is not about "happiness" it's about giving your life to the ONLY one that will ever and could ever fill that void in yourself that says, "I feel empty, I am not happy."  No matter where life takes you.  No matter what you do.  Nothing can ever or will ever feel this void.  It's a void that He was only meant to fill.

  In and of ourselves we aren't capable of being "good" or making "good" choices. (Romans 3:10 -As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one)
We are offered the free gift of salvation. He is what makes us good.  We are given an opportunity to surrender our lives to the only one thing that IS good.
 (Romans 10:19-If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.)
 It isn't possible to separate yourself from His love. You could never go "to far" that He won't be waiting for you to surrender with open arms. 
The choice is yours?  His love and grace not only covers your sin when you ask forgiveness but His love abounds will abound in your life. 

Amazing Love

 It is out of our LOVE for Him that we serve. But His love isn't based on if/how we serve. He just loves us. It's unconditional. If we never "do" anything for Him, His love would be exactly the same.


Romans 8:38-39

^" For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,  neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

(photo by: http://www.incourage.me/_)

 

 

 

 

No Regrets

I say often that I want to live with no regrets. That I will get out of the boat and walk on water when He calls me.
The place I say that from is not one of pride. I certainly don't have it "together." I'm nothing special. He can use any willing vessel. I say it out of recognition that I have not always done that. Living with the regret of the "if only" isn't something that is fun. I re...fuse to not say "yes" because of fear or viewing something as impossible. I won't allow other peoples voices to be louder than His ever again. I want to challenge you today to cling to Jesus. Let HIS voice be louder than any other in your life. His YES- is all that matters. Also be wise and listen when He says, "NO."

Let His voice be the loudest voice in your life.