Love NEVER Fails

Jesus,

     Keep this in my memory when I'm dealing with difficult people.  Keep this in my memory when I'm in the company of those that curse me.  Keep this in my memory when I'm in the presence of those that deny you.  Keep this in my memory when I'm feeling short (with people).  Keep this in my memory when I'm serving.  Keep this in my memory when I face my enemies.  Keep this in my memory memory when I am child rearing.  Keep this in my memory when I feel rejected.  Keep this in my memory when I'm in line at the store in front of an impatient customer.  Keep this in my memory when I have failed (because your love for me is unconditional too).  Keep this in my memory each and every day.   Give me the strength to love unconditionally.  Give me the strength to be slow to speak, slow to get angry and quick to listen.  Give me the strength to be your hands and feet in a lost world.  Jesus mold me and make me into what you want me to be as a wife, mother, friend, sister, niece, grand daughter, neighbor, and as your child.  Empty me out of myself Jesus and fill me with you.  Thank you for your unfailing love. Thank you for your mercy in my life.  Thank you for your grace.  Thank you for your presence and hand of protection over my family.  Thank you Father that you ARE the great healer. Thank you for the blood of Jesus that washes over me.  Thank you for the price you paid on Calvary.  

Love Always,

 

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Part 1 : Pieces of my heart

You may not have my eyes or smile but from that very first moment you had my heart


With every child that is in our home whether for only two short weeks or two months or two years.  Each one has a piece of our hearts.  Every child (three total now) have made a lasting impression on our lives. Each one has taught us something about life and about cherishing every moment that you have with someone.  See with your own children you never really think about them being gone unless something hits you from someone else's life experience. Unless you've lost a child.  Days can be rough and you get tired and it can be exhausting at times.  When you become a foster mom and you realize that every day you have to cherish because you don't know when that child will go home or if you will ever see him/her again, it really makes you think.  It really makes you look at your own children and think to cherish every moment even in the little mundane moments.  No one is promised tomorrow. 

Dear sweet baby M,

From the moment I saw your tiny little body laying in the hospital crib I fell in love.  I've never experienced love so deeply from a child that didn't come from my flesh, but you sweet boy changed it all.  I went there expecting to pick up a chunky little three week old baby and you were only five pounds (smaller than any of my babies were at three weeks).  It was a completely different feeling getting you ready to come home.  It was SO nice not to have to go through all of the after pains of birth  (yet in a way I felt like I did.. after over two years of waiting for this) yet bring home a new little person.  As I sat there in the rocker as the nurses updated me and I later spoke with your doctor about how you were doing I got the privelege of feeding you a bottle.  You were so tiny.  So precious. So new.  You smelled so sweet of newborn scent and I loved cuddling and snuggling your sweet warm little body.   Then it was time to pack up all of your things from your three week stay at the hospital and bring you home.  I didn't even think to go buy an outfit to bring you home in.  So I dressed you in stained up pajamas that were left there. Got you all wrapped up in a few hospital blankets and waited to be discharged.   The nurses were all amazing.  I could tell they were sad to see you go.  One of the nurses walked me down with you and your things to put you in the car.  I buckled your seat in the van, got in and prayed.  I just kept thinking, " I can't believe I just walked in the hospital and picked up a newborn baby, and am now bringing him home."  It was that morning that I had gotten the call, prayed, and called then to tell our agency were interested in you being placed with us.  We came home and I called one of the best mentors and friends I could have asked for.  She came over shortly after we got home. ____ Snuggled sweet M and brought us some things to welcome him.  When I think of that night... it was pure bliss.  Every two hours that you woke to eat was pure bliss.  It was two weeks of sleepless nights but how could I not love waking up to snuggle your sweet little body.  Sometimes I wish I could go back and re- enjoy those moments, cherish them more.  There were a lot of things that happened between then and you going home.  I have never advocated more for a child in my life.  It was hard watching you go... handing you over and knowing that you may not be safe.  That there could be things that happen in your future that I have no way or power to protect you in.  When I picked you up I knew that it was only a foster placement as that is what we finally decided to do.  It just made it all the more difficult knowing the situation you were going home to.   I prayed over you and let go.  Trusting that the Lord loves you way more than we do and that He will watch over your life.  I was never your "mommy" but I will always be your praying mommy.

The first two weeks of you being gone was the hardest.  I have never felt my heart get ripped out of my chest and get stomped on quite like that.  I never though I could get SO attatched to a baby that I didn't give birth to.  I was so wrong in that.   Even though I knew adoption is something I have always had on my heart, I didn't physically know it was possible to love so deeply, someone that was not part of my flesh.   Giving you back I felt like I had lost a baby that was mine.  I didn't wash some of the clothes that I used for you right away (that Joe wore when he was little)... I would go back and smell them with tears falling so quickly off my face.  As selfish as it may sound I even kept the blanket from the hospital that they let me bring you home in.  Something to remember you by.  I still get it out and it smells like the hospital slowly the scent is almsot gone.   I remember the first week you were gone literally every time I knew it was time for you to eat, I would pray.  I couldn't get you off my mind. I wondered if you were being fed.  If you were being taken care of properly.  I missed you so much and thought about you non stop.


It did get easier after a little while.  Still thinking about you brings tears to my eyes.I realized that I could love and let go.  It hurts it's painful but in the end with the Lords help I can get through anything.  You deserved all the love in the world.  We pray for you daily sweet boy.  There isn't a day goes by that you aren't mentioned in our prayers.  We love you and are so blessed that God would allow us to take care of you.  I will be forever grateful to Him for letting us have you, even if just for a short while.  You are sooooo missed sweet boy. We love you so much.

Love you so much sweet M,

Love your praying Mommy

Because He First Loved Us

Romans 5:8 (NIV)

8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Ephesians 1:3-5 (NIV)

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5he^c predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 

Foster Care and Adoption

"Watching sooo many people adopting all around me...oh my heart..be still. I know that we are doing what we are called to do (fostering). Though that was never really part of ”the plan.” I just have to laugh at the plans we have... because they never really seem to happen..God shakes us and writes the story His plan. Its all about Him. So once again learning patience knowing in His time it will be our turn. After all Ive heard it said and have to agree..its really not about adding to our family..its about giving a child a home ♥ Which we are doing..even if they don't have our last name. :) So many things on my heart....In everything there is a season.."

Yesterday I posted this status.  I just had to further expand that I am SO excited that so many people around me are choosing to open their lives and hearts and homes to children in need, and  everyone is working together for the greater good  to make Him known, which really is what I love.  I am in no way saying that what we are doing is any LESS important.  I am so excited that God is using us in this moment.  We waited for so long to be used by Him in this area and in no way was I saying the comment above to complain in any way or make it seem like I am not so excited to be used.  I am so excited to have these babe's in my home.  Sometimes God's plans aren't what we originally pictured.  I am okay with that because I know His plans are always better than my own.   Yesterday I was just having one of those moments wondering what the future holds.   I am at peace knowing that I don't know and that's okay because I know the one who holds the future.  After all .. none of this is about "me."  It's all about Him.  Making Him known.   I pray that everything we do leads those in our lives. Those that see us and know us and the children we bring in to know Him.  


If you know someone  or you feel like that tug on your heart strings to foster.  Don't ever talk yourself out of it by saying, "Its to hard I can't do it because I would get too attached."    Any foster mom who doesn't get attached and doesn't feel heart ache when the child they have loved so dearly goes home isn't a good foster mom.  We are all adults and these children need someone to love them fully and they fully deserve to be loved whole heartedly.  If you ever feel the call to adopt don't talk yourself out of it by saying, "It's too expensive " or whatever else may come in your mind. The desires and the things God has placed on your heart to do.. He WILL provide for.  If you feel the tug on your heart pray about it and go after it.  I can tell you that it will be 100% worth it.    I have had many people say to me, "wow what a wonderful thing you are giving these children."  When in reality they have taught me so much.  They are giving me something special and have blessed me.  It is an honor.  It's not always easy.  The ride is a roller coaster of emotions.   :)  If you would like more information on either.  How to get started with fostering  or foster -adopt.  Please message me and I would LOVE to help you get started.  

Here is another blog that talks about foster care and the call:

http://foster2forever.com/2012/07/orphan-ministry.html

James 1

James 1

King James Version (KJV)

1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.

² My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

³ Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

⁴ But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

⁵ If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

⁶ But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

⁷ For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.

⁸ A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

⁹ Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted:

¹⁰ But the rich, in that he is made low: because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away.

¹¹ For the sun is no sooner risen with a burning heat, but it withereth the grass, and the flower thereof falleth, and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth: so also shall the rich man fade away in his ways.

¹² Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

¹³ Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

¹⁴ But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.

¹⁵ Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

¹⁶ Do not err, my beloved brethren.

¹⁷ Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

¹⁸ Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

¹⁹ Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

²⁰ For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

²¹ Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.

²² But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

²³ For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:

²⁴ For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.

²⁵ But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

²⁶ If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

²⁷ Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself un spotted from the world.

TWO Months of Sweet Craziness

Today marks two months since I went with my little sister  C to pick up the newest additions to our family.  I can remember the day like yesterday.  We went and picked them up and they were just getting to their previous fm's from a visit with their bm and bd. We gathered all of their things loaded  everyone in the van and were on our way.  I remember thinking,  " yay we finally have a placement and they will be with us more than just a couple weeks."  On the way home we sang N's favorite song (Deep and Wide) and then Jesus Loves Me.  I looked through my mirror and thought this is BLISS.  Even though it has only been two months it feels like they have always been a part of our family.  This is one of the many tough part of foster care (loving children as your own but knowing they will/could go back with their parents).  It's been absolutely craziness at times. The first week was definitely the hardest.  It's sweet though now when the kids get home from school they hug each other and act as life never went on without each other in it.  There are days when sibling rivalry gets the best of them and days when I look over  and they are playing so sweet together.  Now that we have all settled into our routine's life is much easier (but not any quieter or any less crazy).  We have settled into our "new" normal.   For now I will enjoy every moment.  Enjoy little giggles and sweet craziness.  Enjoying and loving and pouring everything we have into these little guys while they are in our home.  Even though we are mommy and daddy now...  and may not always have that special spot in their lives, they will always on this side of heaven have a praying mommy and daddy even if they aren't ours "officially."    

Really because our children aren't ours anyways... they are His and we are just stewards over them.  

So as I pray over the babies from my belly I pray over these little ones too;

Dedicated to you all my sweet little ones. 

Love,  

 Mommy

The Stages of Labor

It has been so long since I've last posted.  In the last almost 3 years I felt like there have been so many things the Lord has spoke to our hearts.  Over the last two years we feel like God has shown us that we have been pregnant with something.  This may sound a little odd for some of you but just go with me for a second.   Three years ago when the Lord told us to start getting our license and foster to adopt we felt like we were almost pregnant with this dream/vision.   Over the last two years we have felt like we have gone through different stages of labor.  The beginning of the "pregnancy" as we will call it we were excited and felt extreme joy about the desire the Lord placed in our hearts and what was yet to come.   Shortly after we were licensed in April of 2010 we got a call about an opportunity to place our home study in on a baby named James.  At that time we felt like the Lord told me to go and open up the book of James and read it. It's funny because although I have read the book of James before I have never paid as much attention or have felt like the Lord spoke to me through it as much as he did this time.  As I opened the book of James and began reading in the second through fourth vs. says, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, and lacking nothing."   We felt immediately that the Lord was going to begin working on the area of Patience in our life.  As I continued to read throughout James there were so many things that we felt like the Lord was speaking to us.  We did not have the opportunity to interview for this baby but I knew that through this God was showing us something.    A while later we had the opportunity to submit our home study on a precious little girl named Patience. We submitted our home study and waited and then later got a call saying we were chosen to interview to adopt little one.  It was an exciting time interviewing for our first time.  If I would have just looked at her name and realized that this was just another thing to teach me PATIENCE.  We interviewed and it wasn't until a month and a half later we found out we were not chosen to adopt her. (God really knows what He is doing.)  This we realized was the point in labor called transition.   Transition during labor is the part of labor when you feel that you can't go on that you are DONE.  You want to give up and feel like you can't press on.  We felt like God was never going to allow us to be used.  We also thought about giving up our license several times because we thought, "what is the point of continuing all this training for nothing."  Looking back we realize how God’s timing is perfect and there are SO many things He taught us before bringing us to the point that we are now. 
................ to be continued